Bellatrix's Downfall
by JadedAngelisRising
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange hasn't always been dark and twisted, no once she was as normal as the rest of us. Kind and caring, then something happened in her final year at Hogwarts to shape the rest of her life and her personality. Read to find out what!


Bellatrix's POV

_**{A/N: Okay, so this takes place before the Sorcerer's Stone book, my take on why Bellatrix Lestrange turned cold and heartless. Mentions, rape, pregnancy, miscarriage and depression. Bellatrix is about seventeen or eighteen, in her last year at Hogwarts. A one-shot definitely, however it might be a short one-shot. If this isn't something you'd be interested in reading than please go back to the page you came from! Love ya, ~JadedAngel~}**_

_My name is Bellatrix Black and I'm a seventeen year old Hogwarts student, a rape victim and an unwilling mother. I would give anything to be rid of this child._

I hadn't intended for the night to end up this way, I sat now in St. Mungo's the tear tracks fresh and noticeable on my face.

My body sore and raw with bruises from struggling against him, we had just been lounging around in the Slytherin Common Room.

Talking and laughing, everyone else slowly filtered out of the room up to their rooms, whether it was for bed or not I don't know.

Soon enough it was just him and I, it had never made me nervous to be alone with him before but for some reason tonight I was slightly scared.

I surely wouldn't show it, but my nervousness had me jumpy and unaware of my surroundings.

Surely nothing would happen right? I had spent many nights alone with him before and nothing had ever happened.

Tonight though I was horribly wrong, it started out innocent enough, small talk and laughing as usual.

Then a small kiss on the cheek here and there, a soft touch to the shoulder, I didn't mind. I didn't think it was wrong, we had fooled around plenty of times before.

It went into rougher kisses then, harder touches, I tried to push him away get him off of me. He wouldn't give up though.

A silencing charm placed on the room ensured no one would hear me trying to get away, while he made his move.

My screaming was only drowned out by his loud groans and moans of satisfaction, clawing and kicking I kept trying to get away.

Eventually he started clawing and gripping at my arms trying to hold me in place, while his mouth created a tight seal over mine. Ensuring my screams were quickly quieted.

Even though I was fighting it with everything I had, I couldn't stop myself when my screams of protest and pain turned to moans of desperate satisfaction.

I cried through most of the night, because along with forcibly trapping me into this mess, he was being strangely abusive.

He had never so much as laid a hand on me before tonight, so on top of all the struggling and involuntary sex, he was slapping, kicking and punching me.

I couldn't wrap my head around any of this, as my struggling slowed from exhaustion I just gave up and accepted it.

As soon as I was free I would do something about it, but now I just laid under him my eyes closed imagining I was somewhere else.

I froze my body tensing up as he finished inside me, I cried harder than I had all night right then, I didn't even want to think of what that might mean.

Sitting in the infirmary in Hogwarts, I cried as I recounted to Madam Pomfrey exactly what had happened.

She listened but watched me with a look of horror and sympathy on her face, once I was done she sent an owl to Headmaster Dumbledore.

He immediately insisted I be sent to St. Mungo's, I sat in wide-eyed fear in the waiting room to be seen.

Madam Pomfrey sat with me, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze every now and then but I just couldn't get myself to believe it would be okay.

In the examination room, I sat with a look of horror on my face as the medi-witch took out her wand and pointed it at my stomach.

The purple spark indicating pregnancy flew from the tip and I started to cry once again, I just wanted this to all be over and to wake up in bed from this horrible dream.

**_{A/N: Alright, I know pregnancy cannot be detected just after having sex, but they are wizards/witches, so you're just going to have to deal with this little piece of information!}_**

However I knew that this wasn't a dream, and I wouldn't be waking up from this anytime soon, I hated him, and I hated what he had done to me.

I knew I didn't want this baby, I knew I couldn't handle seeing it everyday and only seeing him and this terrible night.

I also knew though, that I could never abort it, it was just barbaric, to have something living inside of you and choose to rip its life away from it.

So as I sat there hearing the Medi-Witch's voice drain away into the background and seeing only my life in front of me absolutely destroyed by one night.

I hated him, I hated all those sick Slytherin men, I most assuredly hated the stupid Slytherin Prince, I'm pregnant and it's all his fault.

Soon the Medi-Witch realized I wasn't listening anymore and told Madam Pomfrey that I was free to go, as long as I made sure I drank the potions she gave me everyday until the bruises disappeared.

I also had to take a special prenatal potion that would help make sure that the baby was okay, I mostly tuned this out too. So Madam Pomfrey made sure she listened.

Once we were back in the castle safely she made me drink one of each potion, then head straight to bed while she went and talked to the Headmaster and Professor Slug Horn.

I was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted so I went straight up to bed and fell asleep, I didn't even dream that night, just a restless, dreamless, sleep.

The next morning I woke to face the impending doom of what had happened the night before, the two girls I shared a room with, who were also my younger sisters Narcissa and Andromeda demanded to know what had happened.

I didn't feel like explaining so I just muttered "He took me, forcibly, I'm pregnant" They gasped and wrapped their arms around me.

They wanted to comfort me but I just wanted to curl up in a ball and waste away to nothing until this whole horrible ordeal was over.

However I accepted the comfort and was promptly informed that he had been taken to Azkaban for what he had done.

He was deemed criminally insane the day after that and I couldn't have been happier to see him suffering in there.

I still continued to suffer out here though, news had spread like wildfire of my pregnancy and I was quickly "Blasted Off" the Black/Lestrange family tree as if it were my fault.

So with no family, no job and a baby on the way I had to figure out what to do and fast.

It happened just a few weeks after I found out about the pregnancy, I had eventually gotten over my hatred for the child and had grown to love it.

At this point I was happy to announce to anyone who would listen that I was indeed pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my child.

It was just a normal day for everyone else, but for me it was the day my whole world stopped, at least it seemed that way.

I didn't feel too good when I woke up, but I decided to brush it off since it was a Saturday and I didn't have any classes.

I started to feel even worse through out the day, my lower back actually felt like it was aching pretty badly, but that wasn't the problem, I was used to that.

It was the cramping that bothered me, it was slight at first easy to ignore because it just felt like the sensation that Madam Pomfrey described and said would happen because my stomach was starting to stretch.

I didn't pay any attention to it for the first half of the day, eventually though it got worse, much worse. Unbearably white-hot and painful.

I went to the bathroom just to see if I just had to use the loo, but what I saw was horrifying.

Blood was starting to soak through my underwear and was starting to drip onto my robes, I sunk to the floor clutching my stomach knowing what it meant.

I watched as the small drip of blood became a steady puddle underneath me, I could see with each drop my child's life slipping away from it.

I stayed there curled up in a puddle of my blood for what felt like days, I refused to leave it even though I knew my child wasn't in it and the blood was just useless.

I wanted to look away but I couldn't stop staring at the horridly beautiful dark red color, almost black with its darkness.

The small clots that would appear now and then, and the small bits of grayish tissue had my heart sinking, the sobs coming faster and harder than expected.

The small pool of blood seemed to be there to mock me, show me exactly what I had done by first wishing the child had never existed.

Even though at first I hated it and wished to have nothing to do with the situation, I honestly had wanted and cared deeply for the child.

Eventually I got up, cleaned the floor and showered slowly, barely grazing my hands over the spot where the child had been and the spot where it's father had ruined me.

My bruises were by now long gone but I felt as if they were fresh and brand new, my whole body ached for the child I would never know now.

I cried harder than I ever had, sinking to the shower floor and resting there, my head against a wall my whole body limp and unmoving.

That's how Narcissa found me a day later, my skin had long since pruned up and felt weird and almost like sandpaper. My body still ached and I was still bleeding.

She cried when she found me, she knew what the blood meant too. Still, she carefully wrapped me in a towel and took me back to our room.

Madam Pomfrey, Headmaster Dumbledore, and Professor Slug Horn were then told what had happened, they each sent their deepest condolences and said I could take as long as I needed to recover.

I officially thought I would never recover, but maybe they were right I just needed a few weeks to get my head back on straight.

It had been three weeks since the miscarriage and my head was in no better a place then the day it happened, people did occasionally stop by to see if I was okay but I ignored them all and continued to just stare out the window.

My school work was delivered to me everyday, regardless my grades began to slip severely, soon I was so far behind my graduating on time relied on my passing the NEWT's.

I was angry and bitter at the world, never talked to anyone, and always wore dark depressing clothing now.

My mood never changed I was always mad, there were never any fleeting glances of happiness, never any "Maybe it will all be better soon" moments.

My baby was gone and so was every happy part of me there had ever been, I was determined to keep away from everyone and never let anyone into my heart ever again.

I became icy and distant, I barely slid by with the NEWT's, once I left Hogwarts I didn't keep in contact with anyone except my immediate friends and family who still talked to me and joined the Dark Lord.

I had never gotten over my baby that I lost in my last year at Hogwarts, it's father went on to marry and have a child, my godson and nephew.

The last blow to my recovery to happiness came when I found out that while my child's father would be allowed to have as many children as he pleased I was no longer able to bear children.

My life remained the same day in and day out, never-changing leaving me empty and emotionless, everything reminded me of the child I had lost.

Many years have passed since then, but I stay the same, twisted, cold, heartless, emotionless, and ruthless person I had become that day.

I even killed my cousin, with no remorse, I guess that's what becoming emotionless does to you.

Everyday I wake up hoping I'm just in a terrible dream and, will wake up in my bed at Hogwarts, my round perfect belly still there my child safe in my stomach.

And everyday I face the reality that it will never be possible ever again, I relearn everyday that my body is useless and I'm worthless.

A cold-hearted bitch who kills her own family for her own sick and twisted enjoyment, and I'm okay with that.

Because the one thing that could have saved me from that life no longer has a life of its own, it doesn't breathe, laugh, smile, cry, or anything.

My child would be in its final year of Hogwarts now with its cousin and my godson Draco, and that Golden Trio, truthfully I'm not so sure my child would hate them.

I don't even think my child would be a Slytherin, I think my child would be a Gryffindor or Raven Claw.

My child would be perfect and happy just like I used to be, just like I never will be again, that perfect child was my downfall.

The one thing that could have saved me from a life of evil and murder but instead, sent me head first into the evil of the life I live, my glorious perfection, my shining star, my beautiful disaster, and my Downfall.

_My name is Bellatrix Lestrange, and I'm a cold, heartless Death Eater who would give anything to have my child back_.

_**{A/N: Alright, so here's that Bellatrix one-shot that's been floating around in my head for a while. My take on how and why she turned out so evil and twisted. This is the REVISED version, after I realized i made quite a few plot mistakes! Narcissa and Andromeda are indeed Bellatrix's sisters and other major details like that! Sorry, the original version was written at like 3:00 AM and I was painfully tired. All errors should now be gone though! I hope you like it! Reviews are Love! Love ya, ~JadedAngel~}**_


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